Norman The Gnome

Norman eBays himself

2011-05-11T11:48:00.002+01:00

Norman feels it's time for a change so he decides to auction himself off on eBay.
Unsure of where his new home will be, he wraps himself in bubbles and closes the lid.

Bye bye Norman

Warm in here

Norman 'S' Bender

2010-09-22T21:35:00.000+01:00

Whilst out walking with his barrow, Norman happened upon Shropshire's very famous 'S' bends located along the River Severn just north of Ironbridge.

Norman is very fond of bends

Upon further investigation, Norman discovered that he wasn't the only fan of the bends. In fact the 'S' Benders is a well known established group of pilgrims who regularly pay homage to the kinks in the river.

I want to be an 'S' Bender

It was a struggle but Norman just managed to get a weak 3G signal on his Smart Flip GnomePhone and was able to email the secretary of the 'S' benders to inquire about joining up.

It's a long trek back to Ironbridge

Hopefully, by the time Norman gets home, the application form to join the 'S' Benders will be waiting on his mat.

Norman's A Giver

2010-09-01T08:17:00.004+01:00

Never let it be said that Norman just takes and never gives.
In fact he's more of a giver than a receiver.

When Norman heard about The Severn Hospice Great Big Bike Ride on 5th September he found the nearest internet cafe and made an immediate on-line donation.

Norman Gives Large

Join Norman on his mission to give it large. Click on the Just Giving button below to be a giver too!

Norman loves a nice long ride and would hate to miss out on the action so he's hoping to go along on the day in someones saddlebag. So if you are taking part then be careful that Norman doesn't infiltrate your bumbag - the sharp edges on his wheelbarrow may puncture your spare innertubes!

Best Gnome

2010-08-15T18:41:00.001+01:00

Norman was most excited when he was asked to be the Gnome of Honour at a wedding held at the The Mytton & Mermaid Hotel (Atcham Bridge).

Norman loves a wedding

Norman loves weddings especially posh ones like this as the booze is free. It's been a while since he got wasted...

Norman fancies a dip in the River Severn

Norman eyes up the the female guests with a view to having a bit of a skinny dip in the river later on. He's pleased that his hat matches the bridesmaid's dress.

As the evening starts to hot up, Norman has to pop outside for a fag - it's a non smoking do which is a bit of a bummer... "Health freaks" Norman thinks.

Norman has a fag on the old A5

The Weekend has Landed

2010-08-13T08:25:00.000+01:00

The weekend is here again but it's Friday 13th!!!
Norman doesn't want anything to spoil his weekend in the Anvil so he sets off extra early to guarantee getting his seat in the beer garden.

Early Start for Norman

Norman knows that the Domino season is about to start and he's going to attempt to bribe Mick, the landlord, into letting him play in the team. Norman was captain of the Abergele Dwarfs Domino squad.

Recycling

2010-08-08T15:10:00.001+01:00

Norman has always been very aware of the greenhouse gas situation and the effect that it's having on our planet.

As an 'outdoor' type he has noticed that over the past few decades the weather has deteriorated. Spending long periods of time standing on wet grass play havoc with Norman's osteoarthritis. He's already had a quote to have silicone implants to alleviate the problem.

So, in an effort to slow down global warming Norman is very keen on recycling. He regularly drops off a load of plastic waste at the local recycling hub.

Norman drops his load behind the Co-Op

Norman is secretary of the local 'Keep Britain Tidy' association (Abergele Branch).

I needed that

2010-08-03T21:25:00.001+01:00

After two whole days drinking in The Anvil, Norman isn't feeling too good...

"Hughey..."

Oh dear, looks like Norman will be canceling his badminton match tomorrow!

The Escape

2010-07-31T20:30:00.016+01:00

Norman the Gnome was snatched under duress and taken from his home in Abergele, North wales to live in some strange garden in Shifnal.

Norman decides to escape and waits for his abductors to go to the pub before he makes his move.

Norman manages to force the garden gate

On his way, Norman notices that a neighboring garden has a garden swing. Swinging is something that he's always fancied having a go at.

Norman always fancied being a swinger

Whilst on the swing, Norman spots something that he hadn't seen in years.

A Space Hopper.

As a young gnome Norman recalls having an original orange hopper. He remembers how much fun he used to have with his pals on the caravan site back in Abergele.

Norman can't resist a quick hop. Ah, so many good memories...

Norman loves Space Hopping

After almost exhausting himself on the Space Hopper, Norman remembers the job in hand - to escape and return to his beloved North Wales caravan site.

One last garden gate to tackle before he's back on the streets. Norman works his magic and the gate swings open wide enough for him and his trusty wheelbarrow to get through.

The gate opens and Norman is free

Norman spots a familiar site and can't believe his luck. He thinks he's back home in North Wales, in the caravan park. It even smells the same.

On closer inspection Norman realises that he's still in Shifnal on top of the pile of toxic waste that resides out the back of Naughty Nell's...

Smells like home

Norman makes his way along Shifnal High Street in an attempt to find a bus stop or railway station. Everything looks so BIG to Norman but he will not be deterred.

Norman On The Street

Norman never misses a trick and on the opposite side of the road he sees Barkers newsagents. Being a great lover of sweets he decides to stock up his wheel barrow for his journey.

Norman has a sweet tooth

Luckily for Norman he managed to steel some cash from his captors prior to his escape. Should have enough to buy sweets and a bus ticket home.

Fill your barrow Normy

After leaving Barkers newsagents Norman has another stroke of luck. He spots a railway station so he goes to check out the timetable.

Norman will need to change

Norman's short but not stupid and he realises that in order to get home to Abergele he's going to have to change at Shrewsbury. "No worries" he thinks, "change is good".

Norman begins to ascend the vast array of steps that will take him to Shifnal's railway station platform. He proceeds with great caution so as to avoid the pools of vomit, half eaten chinese take-aways, used condoms and beer bottles that have been left from the previous nights party go-ers.

"These f#¢kin stairs aren't wheel-barrow friendly" Norman exclaims as he trudges on.

It's dark up here

When Norman finally reaches the top of the stairs he continues along the tunnel towards the platform.

Norman has tunnel vision

When Norman finally gets to the platform he examines his Goblin wrist watch and realises that he has come early and has a few minutes to kill before the train arrives.

Norman has come early

Further along the platform, Norman discovers a great viewpoint where he sees a brilliant panorama of the Shifnal he is so keen to leave behind.

"Bl#∞dy Hell!" Norman cries as he sees the vast quantity of pubs and Indian restaurants dotted along Shifnal's main street. "Abergele hasn't got anything like this...".
Norman has second thoughts about leaving.

Meanwhile onlookers drinking in the Anvil beer garden scream at Norman "Don't Jump - It's not worth it" as they assume he's going to commit suicide.

Don't Jump Norman - it's not that bad being small...

Of course, Norman doesn't jump returns to join his fellow travelers on the platform.

Norman's little legs are totally aching after hauling his wheel-barrow up all of those steps. He decides to take the weight off of his pixie boots and plants himself beside a young female.

Sadly, Norman is too small for the girl to even notice his arrival.

Norman's arrival goes unnoticed

After only a couple of minutes Norman feels the bench beneath him vibrating.
"You dirty b£&ch!", he mutters under his breath toward the young lady as he assumes that she had let one rip.
However, Norman is wrong and the movement of the seat is attributed to the fast approaching train.

Norman jumps to his feet and prepares himself to hop on.

Norman can see it coming

As the train pulls in Norman wastes no time and launches himself into the carriage. He's not used to dealing with such a massive gap but just makes it.

Norman having second thoughts

Before the doors close, Norman recalls the Indian restaurants and the people merrymaking in the Anvil beer garden. He starts to think that maybe Shifnal is not such a bad place after all.

"There's still time..." Norman mutters to himself as he contemplates another jump.

Is Norman on the train?

There is no evidence to prove that Norman actually left Shifnal. He could well have jumped from the train before it left and made dash for the Anvil...